Ahhhh…NFL power rankings.
By now everyone should know that power rankings are completely useless. Anything can happen in the NFL on any given Sunday….except when it comes to Jacksonville. They are the only team where that term does not apply.
Having said all that, power rankings are fun and serve as good troll material for other teams, so I might as well do them also.
With attempts to ignore bias, I am using Football Outsiders DVOA system as well as my own logical conclusions to rank the teams. DVOA, in case you aren’t aware, is sports geek analysis at its finest. It is, in laypersons terms, probably the best system for analyzing team by team performance throughout the week…as it looks at things like strength of schedule, point differential, home field advantage, etc… Here’s a link:
1. Seattle Seahawks
Pete Carroll needs a snorkel his team is so deep. I wish I could get credit for coming up with that.
2. Denver Broncos
I made a post about how Peyton Manning tends to shrink in the playoffs….Colin Cowherd retweeted it, and my twitter mentions blew up. This could get addicting.
3. New Orleans
If Russell Wilson is my savior, then Drew Brees must be like the father…in the holy trinity analogy of things.
4. Kansas City
Alex Smith putting the good Smith name on the map.
Jay Cutler is still Jay Cutler right?
I kinda feel like we, Seahawks “loosened” the 49ers up for them in week 3. All you had to do was twist the cap.
I have no idea or why they are here to be honest. I just know their quarterback is a guy I keep getting confused with the backup in NE for some reason (Mallet), and he’s doing pretty good.
8. New England
Stat of the day: The Patriots are 3-0 when their players haven’t murdered anyone.
You can tell who has an HBO subscription by the people who picked the Bengals to go to the Superbowl (*slowly raises hand).
10. Green Bay
If the Hawks have the Niners number, the Niners have Green Bay’s social security information.
I think its unfair that they have the owner of Playboy also owning their team. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play for team Playboy?
12. New York Jets….nope I can’t do it. Houston instead.
They should be higher. But haven’t been playing like it.
Yeah I said it. (Dave Chappelle voice)
Matty Ice? More like Matty NICE! (but seriously, why aren’t they playing well?)
15. San Francisco
I’m being super generous here, only because I know how good they COULD be. Colin…I want that eyebrow, bro.
Have you ever seen Flacco and Spock in the same room before?
17. New York Jets
I was so wrong about Mark Sanchez. He was much better on Entourage.
I’m less concerned with the Nate Burleson pizza accident and breaking his arm, than I am with the fact that he was eating Pizza in the first place. #faileo
Jake Locker is figuring out his winning combination. I just had to put Locker and combination in the same sentence somehow.
20. San Diego
The defense is about as invisible as….nah forget it. Just too easy.
I think they should change their name to “Wild Wings”
Sorry Chip…this isn’t the Pac 12 anymore.
23. St. Louis
If you beat the 9ers tonight, I won’t hold Nelly against you ever again.
I want to know who picked their team name. I want that job.
Pryor says he doesn’t remember the game against Denver. Just wait til he finds out he’s a Raider.
Maybe they should all be nicknamed the Honey Badgers, because right now it looks like they don’t give a f*ck.
27. New York Giants
Baby bro has a chance to help out big bro in the AFC standings.
How pissed is Adrian Peterson right now?
Let me savor this moment…yes…this is nice…
Maybe if you changed your name, you wouldn’t be 0-3 right now. Maybe the Native American Gods pwn you.
31. Tampa Bay
Bucs stop here.
“At least they have the best helmets in the NFL” -Said no one, ever.
Categories: NFL and Seahawks