I figured I need some new superlatives to describe my NFL week to week power rankings. Power rankings just seems so cliché.
And then for some reason the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers came to mind. And then I remembered how I used to have a crush on the pink power ranger. Ahem “used to” being the key word there.
With the Monday night game over and done with, we get a better picture of how the league ranks.
Rather than use the DVOA system this time, I’m just gonna go old school and go with my gut since I saw most of the games via NFL Rewind.
Not much movement among the elite. There’s about 8 teams that are playing way better than the rest of the league right now, so that’s how week 4 shakes out. Here’s the rankings:
1 (1). Seattle Seahawks. Yep, I’m a Hawk fan and there is no bias in this whatsoever. When and if the Seahawks lose or the Broncos blow out a top team (I’d say Indy is their first true test), then I may switch the spots.
2. (2) Denver Broncos. The Broncos are a juggernaut….bitch.
3. (3) New Orleans Saints. Drew is Brees’ing right through these all of these NFL fools.
4. (8) New England Patriots. Tom Brady put the doubters all to rest by whipping up on the Falcons on Sunday night. Now if only he was easier on the eyes….am I right ladies?
5. (4) Kansas City Chiefs. Many say the Redskins have the most offensive name in football, but I saw its the Chiefs stadium, Arrowhead. I feel offended on behalf of people with arrow shaped heads everywhere.
6. (6) Indianapolis Colts. The Colts have playmakers all over the field, and Andrew Luck finally has rid himself of that pungent Harbaugh smell. This could be a big year for the Horseshoes.
7. (10) Green Bay Packers. Green Bay jumps 3 spots this week simply by having a bye and showing that they suck less than the 3 teams they leaped over.
8. (5) Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….. Bears. This is where the level of play starts falling off between the elite teams and the rest of the league. So far Chicago’s biggest win was a week 1 victory over a Bengals team that everyone loved because they were on Hard Knocks this year. Ditka.
9. (7) Miami Dolphins. No one is scared of dolphins. Were they trying to think of the smartest, friendliest animal possible? How about the Miami Lassies?
10. (13) Carolina Panthers. Another team that jumps up because they had a bye and didn’t suck. If only the Jags can get a bye for the rest of the season.
11. (12) Houston Texans. Say what you will about Schaub, but he carved up the leagues best defense and secondary for most of the game. If it wasn’t for shoeless Sherman and the legion of boom, we’d have a few more Schaub jerseys in existence today…and that’s never a bad thing.
12. (15) San Francisco 49ers. So Colin Kaepernick has a game where he doesn’t look like an ostrich with its head cut off for the first time since week 1, and he talks some mess to his followers on twitter. Word of advice Colin-If you don’t want haters, take less selfies. Yes autocorrect, that is a word.
13 (18) Detroit Lions. So if Calvin is Megatron and Richard Sherman is Optimus Prime, does that make Russell Wilson Bumblebee?
14 (19) Tennessee Titans. Jake Locker goes down with a hip injury, and just like that, the Titans have zero fans in Seattle.
15 (9) Cincinnati Bengals. I learned two things about the Bengals this week. They might not be as good as we all thought before the season….and I can’t spell Cincinnati without looking it up.
16 (20) San Diego Chargers. Is it just me, or when Phillip Rivers throws a ball, it looks like its going to go about 6 yards?
17 (16) Baltimore Ravens. They win, yet drop one spot. Just go with it jerks.
18 (11) Dallas Cowboys. Someday Tony Romo will be a great NFL quarterback.
19 (24) Cleveland Browns. Don’t look now but the Browns might not be that bad! What? Oh, no one was looking anyway.
20 (14) Atlanta Falcons. Where are the guys that put up 30 against the Seahawks last year ??
21 (21) Buffalo Bills. I can pretty much say anything about this team and know I’ll get away with it because the chances of me ever going to Buffalo are about a million to one.
22 (26) Arizona Cardinals. At least they look better than the Rams.
23 (17) New York Jets. These Jets crashed back down to earth this week.
24 (28) Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings played in London this weekend where thousands came out to pretend that they are Vikings fans.
25 (30) Washington Redskins. RGKnee looked somewhat decent. That defense still looks like they were the ones with ACL surgeries.
26 (23) St.Louis Rams. They looked downright sheepish last week.
27 (22) Philadelphia Eagles. Fly fly fly….into the 2014 NFL draft.
28 (25) Oakland Raiders. So I wonder if the people who were pulling for Flynn over Russell Wilson last year are starting to question their sanity at this point.
29 (31) Tampa Bay Bucs. The Bucs move up the list simply by being not as dreadful (that’s right, I busted out the Queen’s English for that insult) as the bottom 3 teams .
30 (27) New York Giants. They might be Giants. Or they might just suck.
31. (29) Pittsburgh Steelers. I would rather see the Steelers go 0-16 than see the Seahawks go 16-0.
32. (32) Jacksonville Jaguars. I should probably just copy and paste this whole line for the rest of the season.
Categories: NFL and Seahawks