The Seattle Slew

Seattle Sports. Through thick and thin

NFL Week 5 Super Stack Rankings

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I’d love to be a fly on the wall at the pregame speeches for the Jacksonville/Denver game and hear what both coaches/players have to say.

I will be rooting for the Jacksonsville Cubs this Sunday..if nothing else to have a mini-Rudy moment be witnessed on live TV.

#Nodisrespecttobenaffleck

Another week, another chance to see which teams are shaping up for a serious run in early 2014. It was a disappointing week for our Seattle Seahawks, yet, like a subpar episode of Breaking Bad, I feel its an anomaly….a glitch in the matrix, and we still have yet to see the best Seahawks team this year.

Again, much of my analysis is based on Football Outsiders DVOA system: http://www.footballoutsiders.com/dvoa-ratings/2013/week-5-dvoa-ratings

1. Denver Broncos: Okay fine. The Broncos are the best team in the NFL. I still think they have yet to face a good team, and that a formidable defense will be able to do some things to them that will give them challenges, but you gotta give it to them. Peyton, you win this round.

2.  Seattle Seahawks: Yes, the Seahawks lost, but they are still the best team outside of Denver. The offense finally showed up to the party, and the defense, while they had a poor game…did a lot of good things still that will make them a contender.

One thing that worried me….the Seahawks were a bit too giddy after their blocked punt, and celebrated a little too early. Take a lesson from this guy:

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3.  New Orleans. Beat a solid Bears defense, and the Saints actually have a defense to be proud of. Watch out NFL!

4.  Kansas City Chiefs. No one knows how they are winning they just are. Their defense is bringing it, and Eric Berry is the best side outside of Earl Thomas in the league.  In other news, Larry Johnson, former Chiefs RB, is now a DJ at a strip club.

5. Indianapolis Colts. Yup-if you beat the Seahawks, you get top 5 status. Colts were much better than I thought they were….Luck/Wilson is the new Manning/Brees.

6. Green Bay Packers. They are flying as low as you can fly for being the Packers.

7. San Francisco 49ers. It pains me to put them this high, but after trouncing the Texans, who played Seattle neck and neck, you gotta give em props. Now if we could just clarify that “greatest  QB of all time” comment from Jaws.

8. Cincinnati Bengals. Week 5 and I still can’t spell Cincinnati without spell check.

9. Chicago Bears. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….not so great Bearssss!

10. New England Patriots: Getting Gronk back can’t hurt. Honk when you drive by Gronk!

11. Detroit Lions. So basically at this point, all of these teams from here on down have zero shot at a super bowl. If any of these guys even make the playoffs, I’ll be shocked……..

12. Dallas Cowboys. ….With the exception of the Cowboys….because someone unfortunately has to rep for the NFC East. How does that taste east coast media who crapped all over the NFC West in 2010?

13. New York Jets. The Jets are winning without Sanchez. As big a mystery as why the Bulls struggled without Jordan.

14. Buffalo Bills. Young EJ is ballin!

15. Tennessee Titans: Titans were rollin til Locker got hurt. Now we get to chomp some Greek God leftovers at the Clink this Sunday. #nomnomnom

16. Baltimore Ravens. Flacco is spending his off days swimming in his vault of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck.

17. Carolina Panthers. Yes they are 1-3, but DVOA shows great numbers. Think it will even out and they will be 8-8 by seasons end.

18. San DiAGO Chargers. Tough loss for the San Diego Whale Vaginas.

19. Minnesota Vikings. Another team with a poor record, but probably not as bad as record indicates. Will flirt with .500 season.

20. Philadelphia Eagles. They are doggin’ it this season. #hedidhistime

21. Cleveland Browns. Sorry-DVOA says this is a team that is overachieving at the moment. Plus, their fans must be pissed they are blowing their chance at Bridgewater?

22. Arizona Cardinals. Defense wins championships. And sometimes it will help hide the fact how crappy your offense is.

23. Atlanta Falcons. They can’t possibly be as bad as their record indicates. This is a team that if they were a stock, I’d be buying low right now!

24. Tampa Bay Bucs. 3rd ranked defense. If only they had a FREE MAN to lead them. See what I did there? Yeah, that’s right.

25. Miami Dolphins. Why so low? You can almost see the bandwagon breaking down.

26. Houston Texans. Everything is bigger in Texas…including the biggest free fall I’ve ever seen in 2 weeks. Houston, you have a problem with your football team.

27. Oakland Raiders. On the plus side…hmmm….I’ll get back to you on that.

28. St. Louis. Seriously, what happened here?

29. Washington Redskins. Finally. Fixing that construction site with green paint coated over it called FedEx field.

30. Pittsburgh Steelers. You were almost right Ben. Your team is just about the worst team in the league.

31. New York Giants. Eli looked like the little brother who isn’t getting any attention so he starts throwing picks. Doesn’t make sense? Good!

32. Jacksonville Jaguars. The real question is, how does coach Bradley try to convince his team they can win without breaking character?

Football errrr’body! #alldisrespecttojimmykimmel

Categories: NFL and Seahawks

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