It’s now week 6…and these rankings are becoming as ridiculous to organize, as they are to read. In the NFL, we are starting to know who the top dogs are (Big Bird and Kermit), the potential leads to carry on the legacy in case one of those 2 dies (Elmo, Snufalagus(that looked way different in my head), Count Dracula, etc…), the funny, but non-threatening supporting cast (Bert and Ernie, Cookie Monster, Animal….) , and then the oscar the grouch bottom feeders that comprise the rest of the league.
Big Bird and Kermit
1. Denver Broncos. Peyton….Austin Powers called, and he wants his mojo back.
2. Seattle Seahawks. Chris Maragos….Russell Wilson you are NOT! Seahawks re-established themselves solidly behind #1.
The Elmos, Snufalagos ‘(he must be Greek) and other potential leads
3. New Orleans Saints. Jimmy Graham crackers sounds like a delicious afternoon snack. That gets eaten by Aqib Talib.
4. Kansas City Chiefs. Breaking our sound world record? It ain’t over yet!
5. Indianapolis Colts. A bad team that got good, that looked bad, but will be good.
6. San Francisco 49ers. Maybe Colin Kaepernick is as allergic to playing well, as he is to cotton shirts.
7. Cincinnati Bengals. How many tigers exactly are there in Cincinnati?
8. Green Bay Packers. They still have Aaron Rodgers, but they are lookin less and less potent every week.
9. Chicago Bears. Maybe they should go higher. Wait….do they still have Jay Cutler? Okay nevermind.
10. New England Patriots. Still not playing efficiently, but are getting some weapons back, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Brady and Belichik would make a great sitcom.
Non-threatening Supporting Cast (Bert and Ernie’s, Cookie Monsters, etc…)
11. Carolina Panthers. The Panthers springboard into the top 11….
12. Dallas Cowboys. Yawn….yeah let’s just see if they make the playoffs, then we’ll talk.
13. Detroit Lions. Reggie Bush actually makes this team a scary. 4 more years of Bush, shout Lions fans.
14. Arizona Cardinals. WTF? you say. Here’s where things always get tricky for me. All the teams in this tier are roughly around .500 and have similar overall stats. But I’m giving Arizona a jump ahead of the pack here because of their defense. Has nothing to do with the fact my Hawks are playing them this week, and trying to save face in case they lose. Nope, nothing at all!
15. San Diago Chargers. Shotput Philips continues to impress. Defense is laughable still.
16. Philadelphia Eagles. Chip Kelly must be feelin like M.Night Shymalayan right now. Yeah your debut was good, but WTF have you done since?
17. Tennessee Titans. I can’t think of a team that defines “middle of the road” more than the Titans.
18. New York Jets. Got blown out by Pittsburgh. That’s the equivalent of getting beat up by the nerdy asian kid in school.
19. Buffalo Bills. Better than their record indicates.
20. Baltimore Ravens. Edgar Allen Poe would be disappointed with their season.
21. Cleveland Browns. At least Kyrie Irving is staying.
22. Miami Dolphins. Like the stock of Facebook, I expect them to continue their dip.
23. Atlanta Falcons. Atlanta gets the benefit of not showing how bad they suck last week. If they don’t beat the Bucs this week, Tony Gonzalez can kiss his sweet hispanic butt goodbye.
24. St.Louis Rams. Sure…anyone can look good against the Texans at this point. That is a team with a broken soul.
Oscar the Grouchs, bottom feeders
25. Pittsburgh Stealers. Actually might not be the worst team in the league. But I’d still be doing other things on sunday, riding a bike, or learning to knit…if I were a Stealers fan.
26. Tampa Bay Bucs. At least they have great weather.
27. Minnesota Vikings. RIP Adrian Peterson’s baby. RIP to the Vikings this year as well.
28. Oakland Raiders. You guys could’ve done something to quiet that Kansas City crowd, ya know.
30. Washington Redskins. They should be called, the Washington suckskins.
31. New York Giants. Hi, I am Eli Manning. My friends say that I am too giving…
32. Jacksonville Jaguars. On a serious note-anyone who thinks that Alabama could be the Jags should be dragged into the street and beaten with common sense. And fists.
Categories: NFL and Seahawks